Looking Back I Am Undone

If I could go back in time I would change so many things in my life. If I could just go back to high school at least. There would be so many things I would do differently. I was lurking about Facebook, skimming through my classmates, trying to find people from my past that I haven't talked to in a while, and I noticed so many people I didn't like online. Granted, a lot of the times it was because they were annoying and obnoxious, but I hated A LOT of people in high school. I also realized that there are so many people whom I recognized but never at all were friends with. It kind of made me wish I was more outgoing in high school.

I may not seem like it, but I'm actually quite shy. Sure, I'm a very loud person and I can handle myself well in social situations, but I've never been an outgoing kind of person when it's just me. I don't go out of my way to meet new people. I mostly use my friends for that. Usually, the only times I really meet new people is either when we have a mutual acquaintance or if they approach me. That's why I like keeping a few friends close to me when I go out. Having my friends around bolsters my confidence and I'm able to force myself to be, well, myself. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

I was thinking about high school and I just regret so much. I was such an asshole back then. Trying to impress my friends with how funny I could be. I was a dick to people that really didn't deserve it. I hated people just to hate them. I wish I could go back and right all the wrongs that I've done. I wish that I could just go back and relive it so that I could change everything. I wouldn't change the company I kept or anything like that. I would just try my best to be a better person. I would strengthen my bonds with the people that weren't in my close circle of friends. I wouldn't waste time trying to be something I wasn't for people I didn't need to impress.

I feel like I'm plagued with the legacy of what I've done in the past. Like, it follows me around and everyone will just view me as the person I think they view me as. The person that I hate. It's enough to make me want to just leave and start all over some place else. Somewhere that nobody will know who I am or what I've done. That way they can get to know the person I am today, and not remember who I was five years ago.