I wish I could say my life fucking rules, but I can't. I'm probably getting passed up for the promotion I was promised at work. It's fucking gay. I don't think I'll ever catch a break. It's so unnerving. I want to just pick up and leave sometimes. I hate to sound so depressed but nothing seems to be going right for me at the moment. I wish I had some help. I guess I just have to learn from all of this and grow. Roll with the punches you know?
"Not for one second can I imagine a retraction. How much longer can we take beauty for granted?We've a lack of reason, an absence of passion. We're without clarity, in a world of empty vision and I doubt there's a better place for anyone until we learn love"
Why do I do this to myself?
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I don't know why but my dad has had this injured streak. I don't know what his deal is. He's not as young as he thinks he is and I hope this helps him learn. I guess he fell off a horse while horse riding and now his arm is injured. I don't know if it's broken or not but he'll be out of commission again for a long while. What sucks is that he still hasn't found a job since getting laid off and this isn't helping him. This is his third time being injured in the past 3 months. His unemployment checks wont last forever.
Today is such a stressful day. I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, couch, considering my bed is at my apartment. I just woke up on a bad note. I think it's because yesterday was such a let down. I was excited to be house-sitting for the weekend because it meant having the house to myself and being able to throw a party. I put out invitations online and only two people responded. I wanted to have a big BBQ and have a bunch of people over so that it was more than just a typical weekend kick back. I wanted to order the UFC fight and watch it with all the people I hold close.... but nope, nothing.
Friday ruled, Saturday blew, today is looking about the same.
One thing though... I'm not over it. I don't want to just let it go and forget it ever happened. I know things aren't in my favor, but I don't want to just quit.
Today is such a stressful day. I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, couch, considering my bed is at my apartment. I just woke up on a bad note. I think it's because yesterday was such a let down. I was excited to be house-sitting for the weekend because it meant having the house to myself and being able to throw a party. I put out invitations online and only two people responded. I wanted to have a big BBQ and have a bunch of people over so that it was more than just a typical weekend kick back. I wanted to order the UFC fight and watch it with all the people I hold close.... but nope, nothing.
Friday ruled, Saturday blew, today is looking about the same.
One thing though... I'm not over it. I don't want to just let it go and forget it ever happened. I know things aren't in my favor, but I don't want to just quit.
Fuck Everything
Wake up and let go Of these feelings that I've had for you It's easier said than done So give up (give up) and let go (let go) Of these feelings that I've had for you Why couldn't you be the one? 'Cause it's a guilty pleasure Deciding whether you were ever mine or not But the truth's apparent That you weren't ever mine to start What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you So don't close your eyes Every night I kept you upI never once heard you say stop But right now I wish I had I wish I had the nerve to tell you that I'm a wreck But what really did you expect? You never listened to what I said to you (what I said to you) 'Cause it's a guilty pleasure Deciding whether you were ever mine or not But the truth's apparent That you weren't ever mine to start What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you (I need you) Now this broken shell of a boy Falls to pieces with no choice At the sound of her voice he falls apart Now this broken shell of a boy Falls to pieces with no choice At the sound of her voice he falls apart, He falls apart, he falls apart, he falls apart... What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you What will it take to make you understand that I I'm not lying when I say I need you
I need you
I need you
Friday, May 22, 2009
Je T'adore
I'll part the sea.
For you I'd break the sky.
The heavens aren’t worthy, so why am I?
You're a fucking masterpiece,
A perfect played ensemble.
I lose myself in your eyes
Let me take you home.
Lying serenity, you're the image of an angel.
You're face so radiant, even in the darkest hours.
I know I shouldn't be doing this but I can't help it. There is something about this that leaves me feeling starved. I want that movie moment. You know, that moment where everything falls together and all that's left to do is transition to the happy ending. I feel like I've had that in the past, and I let it slip past me. Now this time around I am determined to take hold of it, but in doing so I might be ruining the chance. I'm going to try my best to be patient. I mean, that's all I can do right. What if I miss my cue and get written out of the story? You know what; FUCK THAT,I'll make this movie a summer blockbuster.
Teardrops on the fire fade
It's safe to say that I don't have any clue about what I am doing right now in life. I put up this act that everything is just fine, but I lie. My financial situation is scary, my relations with most of the people I know are a little wierd, and I'm not too sure if I know what I want right now.I hate this feeling. But, I'm not depressed or anything, so don't get that idea. I'm just in this wierd little twilight zone right now.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Notorious
i hate the fact that i dont talk to anyone anymore. the only people that actually text me are Brittany and Karen. its like i dont talk to people unless i run into them. i hate it.
This reminds me of middle school. i would just sit on my computer and talk to all the friends i made on aol and i was happy. even though i only had two real friends in real life, i was content with what i had. we would just talk all night about bull shit and i loved it. whenever i was ground from the computer it was like i was robbed of my life.
in this modern world where everything is connected through the internet, i am starved for that community i onced held so dear. Sure i have my friends, but what happens when theyre not home? am i supposed to just lay around and wait?
this is killing me
This reminds me of middle school. i would just sit on my computer and talk to all the friends i made on aol and i was happy. even though i only had two real friends in real life, i was content with what i had. we would just talk all night about bull shit and i loved it. whenever i was ground from the computer it was like i was robbed of my life.
in this modern world where everything is connected through the internet, i am starved for that community i onced held so dear. Sure i have my friends, but what happens when theyre not home? am i supposed to just lay around and wait?
this is killing me
Notorious
i hate the fact that i dont talk to anyone anymore. the only people that actually text me are Brittany and Karen. its like i dont talk to people unless i run into them. i hate it.
This reminds me of middle school. i would just sit on my computer and talk to all the friends i made on aol and i was happy. even though i only had two real friends in real life, i was content with what i had. we would just talk all night about bull shit and i loved it. whenever i was ground from the computer it was like i was robbed of my life.
in this modern world where everything is connected through the internet, i am starved for that community i onced held so dear. Sure i have my friends, but what happens when theyre not home? am i supposed to just lay around and wait?
this is killing me
This reminds me of middle school. i would just sit on my computer and talk to all the friends i made on aol and i was happy. even though i only had two real friends in real life, i was content with what i had. we would just talk all night about bull shit and i loved it. whenever i was ground from the computer it was like i was robbed of my life.
in this modern world where everything is connected through the internet, i am starved for that community i onced held so dear. Sure i have my friends, but what happens when theyre not home? am i supposed to just lay around and wait?
this is killing me
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Yesterdays LA Trip
(I wrote this yesterday but I wasn't able to post it here, so I just copied and pasted it just now)
today was too badass. Krownz, Karen, and I pulled a last minute mission to LA. it was cool cause it started out shitty and then got way better.
So, we dropped Karen off at her cousin's house and took off to Pasadena in search of this Hooters that appearantly doesnt exist anymore. We wasted an hour and a half just to find out it closed down a month ago. After dealing with the annoyance, we back tracked back to Paramount to pick up Karen. From there we headed off to Venice.
At Venice, i found shitty parking but we got over it fast. Karen had never been there so we explored the strip to find some pretty crazy things. there was this street performer who stepped on shards of glass. He was all about voodoo or something cause he was saying some crazy stuff. We looked around some shops and our hunger eventually vetoed Karen's wish to continue forward lol.
We headed off in search of the Hooters in Santa Monica. We were fucking determined haha. The entire time in LA was spent listening to the world famous KROQ. We got there and hoped to God that we wouldnt get the same type of waitress as last time... What a let down ha! It was like whatever though. She was cool kinda. She touched Adrians ass at least twice and slid her tits across my back trying to be inconspicuous the entire time. It was definitely awkward, but its her job so we didn't care. We ordered the 50 piece platter and made them all drumsticks. It was a difficult task but we almost completed it. It eventually became a test to see who wouldnt bitch out first.
For us, that was the end of our LA Adventure. we went home and listened to good-ass music the entire time. It was cool talking to Brittany on the way home. She definitely kept me occupied.
We got home and swooped up Mark. he hung out fot a little bit before taking off. a bunch of others came over but im getting over this lol.
aishiteru
today was too badass. Krownz, Karen, and I pulled a last minute mission to LA. it was cool cause it started out shitty and then got way better.
So, we dropped Karen off at her cousin's house and took off to Pasadena in search of this Hooters that appearantly doesnt exist anymore. We wasted an hour and a half just to find out it closed down a month ago. After dealing with the annoyance, we back tracked back to Paramount to pick up Karen. From there we headed off to Venice.
At Venice, i found shitty parking but we got over it fast. Karen had never been there so we explored the strip to find some pretty crazy things. there was this street performer who stepped on shards of glass. He was all about voodoo or something cause he was saying some crazy stuff. We looked around some shops and our hunger eventually vetoed Karen's wish to continue forward lol.
We headed off in search of the Hooters in Santa Monica. We were fucking determined haha. The entire time in LA was spent listening to the world famous KROQ. We got there and hoped to God that we wouldnt get the same type of waitress as last time... What a let down ha! It was like whatever though. She was cool kinda. She touched Adrians ass at least twice and slid her tits across my back trying to be inconspicuous the entire time. It was definitely awkward, but its her job so we didn't care. We ordered the 50 piece platter and made them all drumsticks. It was a difficult task but we almost completed it. It eventually became a test to see who wouldnt bitch out first.
For us, that was the end of our LA Adventure. we went home and listened to good-ass music the entire time. It was cool talking to Brittany on the way home. She definitely kept me occupied.
We got home and swooped up Mark. he hung out fot a little bit before taking off. a bunch of others came over but im getting over this lol.
aishiteru
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