I've never wanted to abandon anyone, but I feel like that's what I'll be doing soon. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to dislike living in the desert. Everyday seems like a repeat of the day before, like my life is a record and the needle is skipping over that same scratch, trying to correct it's path. I love all of my friends I really do, but I want more than this. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. I want to join the Air Force. I want to get out of here. I really do want to. I'm afraid of leaving people behind though. Pauline is probably gonna feel the worst of it. I feel bad for her, I really do, but this is something I feel I gotta do you know? And then there's Jamie and Mark. I really wish I didn't have to leave them. I know Jamie probably feels like everyone around him is picking up and leaving, and I don't want to contribute to that but I kinda have to. And Mark... I don't want Mark to feel like he has no one left. I don't want him to hate it here like me.
Whatever though. Im going to make the most of my time and do the best I can to make sure everyone around me knows I love them. I'm not going to let this blackhole suck everyone else into before I leave. I'm going to make sure they're tied down and secure before I go anywhere.
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This post is just a reiteration of how good a friend you are. As much as it may not seem like it, I do treasure your friendship, even if we don't get to hang out too much.
ReplyDeleteYou honestly have no reason to feel selfish.
Throughout all of the years I've known you,
you've put your friends first, and that's something I admire about you. But I think that maybe this is something you need to do for yourself for once. And by doing that, you'll better yourself - you'll be happier and proud of your accomplishments. It's a step towards your future, and as hard as the immediate results may be, in the end, it'll be worth it.
No matter what, you'll end up doing what you think is best. And even if you don't exactly know what that is yet, you'll figure it out. You're smart. :]