'ello Sparrow

I've never wanted to abandon anyone, but I feel like that's what I'll be doing soon. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to dislike living in the desert. Everyday seems like a repeat of the day before, like my life is a record and the needle is skipping over that same scratch, trying to correct it's path. I love all of my friends I really do, but I want more than this. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. I want to join the Air Force. I want to get out of here. I really do want to. I'm afraid of leaving people behind though. Pauline is probably gonna feel the worst of it. I feel bad for her, I really do, but this is something I feel I gotta do you know? And then there's Jamie and Mark. I really wish I didn't have to leave them. I know Jamie probably feels like everyone around him is picking up and leaving, and I don't want to contribute to that but I kinda have to. And Mark... I don't want Mark to feel like he has no one left. I don't want him to hate it here like me.


Whatever though. Im going to make the most of my time and do the best I can to make sure everyone around me knows I love them. I'm not going to let this blackhole suck everyone else into before I leave. I'm going to make sure they're tied down and secure before I go anywhere.

It might be for the best

So earlier this morning I intended to post a blog but I couldn't find the laptop because my sister hordes it even though she is supposed to be grounded from it.... Well anyway, I wanted to talk about the rising sun and how at that particular moment, everything seems right with the world. Many of my memories in life find me riding in a car driving home with the growing light of the morning sun as our beacon. I don't know what it is about dawn that feels so tranquil for me, but I know that if I'm going to stay up, that's what I need to feel right about the night. No matter what happens, if I get to that point, I am satisfied. Even if friends got into a fight, if someone important bailed on me, or if someone died, I truly believe that seeing the rising sun would make me feel better. I'm going to make it a goal of mine to see that California Sunrise every time I pull an all-nighter cause there's nothing else like it.

I think we would look great dead

Today I was able to do what I have failed in doing so many times before. I wrote a some what accurate "About Me." I've never been good at describing myself. I don't like to talk about my good traits that I believe define me as, what ultimately I would like to be considered, a good person. I always feel like I am just bragging or being vain, so I don't say stuff like that. Other times I come off as overly zealous of my convictions and ideals. Sometimes I come off as a sappy romantic. I've never been able to describe myself because there are so many things to describe. So this time, I went about it a different way. Rather than try to explain what I am, I tried to explain why I am. Why I am the way I am. Things from my past and present that have dictated what I've become.

Where is your God?

So to keep up with everyone I've decided to make this blog. I made another on about a week ago, but I didn't like the result. It was dumb and I wasn't in my usual state of mind. I had been researching Star Wars with my bad ass Star Wars Encyclopedia that Jamie and Adrian had bought me and I tried to come up with some askewed Star Wars personality for my blog idea and it was just stupid. So I'm keeping it real with this one and just sticking to what I do best: being myself.

So there you have it. I may not be as great as my name says, but that's the least of my concerns. Have fun peering into my life one post at a time.