This is the story of unchained momentum

So last month I was really down on life. For the longest time I was trying to find a reason. I was thinking it was my lack of time with friends I used to spend every waking moment with. Then I started thinking it was me, not being able to accomplish anything in life. But, what I have found is that it was the distance between me and the one person I should really worry about. GOD. After having a long talk about it with a few dudes, I realized how distant I was from him, and how that was affecting my relationships with others. Even my relationship with Pauline was going down hill because the love was fading. That's when it hit me: GOD is LOVE. I've heard it a million times, but it finally hit home. I realized that until I learned to love Him again, I wouldn't be able to love anyone else the same. Now that I've come over that, things are back on track. I'm happy again.

If you ever feel down and out, just get some of your close friends together and start a discussion about Skynet. That's all it took for me. haha

I lie to myself cause I do it best

So I used to help run a street team for this band called Cetas Aspire. It was so much fun. Even though they weren't a huge signed band or anything, I still was excited to be working with the band directly. I listen to them so much every day that eventually I started commenting them and they started responding. After that, I joined the street team and they noticed I was really interested in being involved. They asked me to help moderate their myspace and to help organize things. I did some stuff and did some hands on work as well. That was one of my favorite memories. We stayed up all night making these T-shirts for the street team only to go pass out thousands of fliers and CDs at Coachellafest. Wow its hard to imagine that was almost a year ago. 

Anyway, back to the whole reason I was writing this.... I really want to get those guys back out here to start playing shows. They put on such an awesome live show and their music is no less than captivating. I'm talking to Steven Kippel about getting them to play out here but it's not exactly for sure. I am going to try my best to go to his next show so that I can give him the Cetas Aspire demo. I'm sure he'll like them. So anyway, I want to start getting more involved, so I'm definitely going to start spreading the word again. I'm going to Bring Back Love.

Is this the way a toy feels when its batteries run dry?

I used to love this place so much. I used to love the desert. I used to hassle anyone that said they hated the desert and gave them 20 reasons why its so awesome here. I guess I forgot those reasons because right now, the is the last place I want to be. I want to get out of here finally.

I never used to be like this. I don't know what happened. Maybe it's cause I'm living at home again. Something about this house gets to me. Maybe it's my relationship with my parents? Maybe it's the way they seem to expect failure from me? That has to be it. It's starting to take a toll on me. I'm not the same person anymore. I've become too familiar with defeat.

I might just be running away from my problems but fuck it.

'ello Sparrow

I've never wanted to abandon anyone, but I feel like that's what I'll be doing soon. I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to dislike living in the desert. Everyday seems like a repeat of the day before, like my life is a record and the needle is skipping over that same scratch, trying to correct it's path. I love all of my friends I really do, but I want more than this. I know I'm being selfish but I can't help it. I want to join the Air Force. I want to get out of here. I really do want to. I'm afraid of leaving people behind though. Pauline is probably gonna feel the worst of it. I feel bad for her, I really do, but this is something I feel I gotta do you know? And then there's Jamie and Mark. I really wish I didn't have to leave them. I know Jamie probably feels like everyone around him is picking up and leaving, and I don't want to contribute to that but I kinda have to. And Mark... I don't want Mark to feel like he has no one left. I don't want him to hate it here like me.


Whatever though. Im going to make the most of my time and do the best I can to make sure everyone around me knows I love them. I'm not going to let this blackhole suck everyone else into before I leave. I'm going to make sure they're tied down and secure before I go anywhere.

It might be for the best

So earlier this morning I intended to post a blog but I couldn't find the laptop because my sister hordes it even though she is supposed to be grounded from it.... Well anyway, I wanted to talk about the rising sun and how at that particular moment, everything seems right with the world. Many of my memories in life find me riding in a car driving home with the growing light of the morning sun as our beacon. I don't know what it is about dawn that feels so tranquil for me, but I know that if I'm going to stay up, that's what I need to feel right about the night. No matter what happens, if I get to that point, I am satisfied. Even if friends got into a fight, if someone important bailed on me, or if someone died, I truly believe that seeing the rising sun would make me feel better. I'm going to make it a goal of mine to see that California Sunrise every time I pull an all-nighter cause there's nothing else like it.

I think we would look great dead

Today I was able to do what I have failed in doing so many times before. I wrote a some what accurate "About Me." I've never been good at describing myself. I don't like to talk about my good traits that I believe define me as, what ultimately I would like to be considered, a good person. I always feel like I am just bragging or being vain, so I don't say stuff like that. Other times I come off as overly zealous of my convictions and ideals. Sometimes I come off as a sappy romantic. I've never been able to describe myself because there are so many things to describe. So this time, I went about it a different way. Rather than try to explain what I am, I tried to explain why I am. Why I am the way I am. Things from my past and present that have dictated what I've become.

Where is your God?

So to keep up with everyone I've decided to make this blog. I made another on about a week ago, but I didn't like the result. It was dumb and I wasn't in my usual state of mind. I had been researching Star Wars with my bad ass Star Wars Encyclopedia that Jamie and Adrian had bought me and I tried to come up with some askewed Star Wars personality for my blog idea and it was just stupid. So I'm keeping it real with this one and just sticking to what I do best: being myself.

So there you have it. I may not be as great as my name says, but that's the least of my concerns. Have fun peering into my life one post at a time.